3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It was confusing and full of hummus
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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