Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
