You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
