i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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