3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
