so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
