I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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