Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
false alarm. still invincible.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you made out with another girl for some wings
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
