he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
