i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
