your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize