Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
