I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
