i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
