i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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