i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
