I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
