Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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