Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
