You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
