Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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