Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
