she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
