420 ftw
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
