....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
