The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
