Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Barsexuality is the new black.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
