Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
