At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
