butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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