at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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