i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
