I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize