at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
