Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
