So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
