So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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