Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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