she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
