i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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