I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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