first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Are we still banned from the library?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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