so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
