I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
