How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
