after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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