He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
