i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My hand turned me down
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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