I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize