I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Fuck appropriateness.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
