I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
