She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
