Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
