i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
