my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
