Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
