I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
