D3 body, D1 cock
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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