there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
