I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
