He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
