i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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