So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
