Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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