saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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