also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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