Dual....:-)
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
