I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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