You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
