his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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