Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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