I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
